I have nine planned days off for my vacation, mind you I don't have any money to do anything I would like to do and my fucking car in da got damn shop again and I just paid a fucking shop two thousand dollars for an engine last year and now here I am staring down the barrel of two thousand plus more just to get another engine because the last one was used and I only had a six month warranty. When I called the man and tell him my car was running hot he just said yeah and that was it. I really want to keep my car in spite of what others may say. I have invested in a lot of new things on this old car, but it's mine and in a few more years it will be a classic, and with the engine I am paying on I get a three year warranty with it and that's what I want, I can't get a three year warranty with most used cars. And if I can find a place that will give me such a warranty it will cost me far more in the long run than what I am paying for the engine to be replaced in my Pearl so don't tell me I'm better off getting a new car.
We throw away more stuff on this planet just to make room to buy more stuff to throw it away, some with the tags still attached, good stuff but of no value to the person who no longer wants it. Some have it so easy and don't even know it, it's a crisis if they see someone wearing the same outfit. We could all dress in black and stand beside each other and we would still look different.
I started this blog as a form of expression for myself to help me deal with the depression of life and the events that have taken place, like when I was two and I know I was two because I asked my mom about it and she said to me, you remember that and I said yes, she said that's when we lived behind the saw mill in Farrar.
I was born in sixty six and mama says I was two years when I all started so I will say it all began in nineteen sixty eight. I remember waking up one night in a big ass bed all by myself and no one was around me and the room was black dark. How dare they, I started crying immediately and sat up, and there out the window I can see a shadow a huge monster like thing with really long arms and a whole lot of long fingers at my window trying to get in to get me. And now all of a sudden worms are crawling from under my pillow and I started crying and screaming even louder and no one comes and no one says anything, where the hell is my mama. So I sat to the very edge of the bed away from the worms and I cried and cried towards the door afraid to get out the bed and make a run because the long armed monster will get me and suddenly my mom yelled go to sleep. Whew I am not alone.
I cried and yelled the worms the worms gone get me, and outside my window the shadow was trying to get in and then a shadow raced across my floor and I SCREAMED even louder and no one came, damn they all laid up in bed together, my brother in is room laughing and saying the monster gone get you. And I lay in that dark ass room in complete fear and no one came all they had to do was come in the room and get in the bed with me and stay there but no, instead they take me to the doctor where he tells my mom I had a small mental problem (you think) because she told him there was other people on both sides of the family who were as she put it, crazy.
I was give some kind of liquid to drink at night before bed, slept like a baby until the medicine ran out and my folks didn't take me back to the doctor for anymore, I was left in that dark room to cry many nights until I feel off to sleep. All they had to do was come in the got damn room and say, look a here lil girl all that thing outside the window is, is a tree and the long things are the limbs and that is just the shadow of the pillow you see under the pillow and that little thing on the floor is just a rat and I might have been cool with being kicked out of my parents bed but NO they laid in that room and pretended they didn't hear me.
I'm fifty two now and I understand what was happening then, but in the mind of a child nothing makes sense, they can't rationalize like adults and why do we have to put them so far away from us at such a young age. Fresh out the mothers womb and away from her warm body at night to sleep alone and not covered by her presence.
I could't do it, allow my babies to sleep alone in a crib, they had to be close to me so I can feel them to make sure they were alright all night long. The nurses at the hospital would not advise it one even told me it was against the hospital rules, I put him in the bed with me anyway, he my baby, I have to make sure he alright, I had to feel them close to me to know they were alright, and they were alright while they were close to me. And when they were past one I put them in a bed in the room with me close to my bed and they slept all night and so did I.
It's Friday and I hope you a blessed and wonderful day and a grand week-end
We throw away more stuff on this planet just to make room to buy more stuff to throw it away, some with the tags still attached, good stuff but of no value to the person who no longer wants it. Some have it so easy and don't even know it, it's a crisis if they see someone wearing the same outfit. We could all dress in black and stand beside each other and we would still look different.
I started this blog as a form of expression for myself to help me deal with the depression of life and the events that have taken place, like when I was two and I know I was two because I asked my mom about it and she said to me, you remember that and I said yes, she said that's when we lived behind the saw mill in Farrar.
I was born in sixty six and mama says I was two years when I all started so I will say it all began in nineteen sixty eight. I remember waking up one night in a big ass bed all by myself and no one was around me and the room was black dark. How dare they, I started crying immediately and sat up, and there out the window I can see a shadow a huge monster like thing with really long arms and a whole lot of long fingers at my window trying to get in to get me. And now all of a sudden worms are crawling from under my pillow and I started crying and screaming even louder and no one comes and no one says anything, where the hell is my mama. So I sat to the very edge of the bed away from the worms and I cried and cried towards the door afraid to get out the bed and make a run because the long armed monster will get me and suddenly my mom yelled go to sleep. Whew I am not alone.
I cried and yelled the worms the worms gone get me, and outside my window the shadow was trying to get in and then a shadow raced across my floor and I SCREAMED even louder and no one came, damn they all laid up in bed together, my brother in is room laughing and saying the monster gone get you. And I lay in that dark ass room in complete fear and no one came all they had to do was come in the room and get in the bed with me and stay there but no, instead they take me to the doctor where he tells my mom I had a small mental problem (you think) because she told him there was other people on both sides of the family who were as she put it, crazy.
I was give some kind of liquid to drink at night before bed, slept like a baby until the medicine ran out and my folks didn't take me back to the doctor for anymore, I was left in that dark room to cry many nights until I feel off to sleep. All they had to do was come in the got damn room and say, look a here lil girl all that thing outside the window is, is a tree and the long things are the limbs and that is just the shadow of the pillow you see under the pillow and that little thing on the floor is just a rat and I might have been cool with being kicked out of my parents bed but NO they laid in that room and pretended they didn't hear me.
I'm fifty two now and I understand what was happening then, but in the mind of a child nothing makes sense, they can't rationalize like adults and why do we have to put them so far away from us at such a young age. Fresh out the mothers womb and away from her warm body at night to sleep alone and not covered by her presence.
I could't do it, allow my babies to sleep alone in a crib, they had to be close to me so I can feel them to make sure they were alright all night long. The nurses at the hospital would not advise it one even told me it was against the hospital rules, I put him in the bed with me anyway, he my baby, I have to make sure he alright, I had to feel them close to me to know they were alright, and they were alright while they were close to me. And when they were past one I put them in a bed in the room with me close to my bed and they slept all night and so did I.
It's Friday and I hope you a blessed and wonderful day and a grand week-end
No comments:
Post a Comment