Force of habit

I was in the kitchen checking on my supper, a morning star corn dog, some fries, shoestrings and some broccoli florets, yummy or not. My taste buds have not been enjoying food recently, for years I ate loaf bread with everything and had sweets often so the change has been drastic to my taste buds, but I’m a size smaller and they don’t fit snugly.

I left the kitchen and headed down the hallway towards my room when I felt a pressure on my stomach so I detoured to the bathroom and knocked on the door, my daughter yelled who is it and I said it’s just me and I asked, can I come in and she laughed and said yes come on and I said, I have to go and she said, go ahead. And I did, ended up being a little gas and all the pressure was gone.

Anyways I finished up and washed me hands and dried and opened the door and turned off the light as I walked past and before the door closed I heard my daughter say, hey hold up we in here and I opened the door in laughs and said, my bad, force of habit.

Many times it’s in our intentions no to do something we may have decided to let go but will find ourself doing it spontaneously and regretting it right after. If we keep trying and don’t give up hopefully one day we will overcome. I have a lot of habits in my life and they can be costly, and sharing your habits with others can break the bank if you allow it. I have been trying hard to cut back on drinking and smoking weed and I have been doing quite well, but I’m so used to drinking everyday as soon as I walk in the door first thing I look for is a drink and a smoke and somewhere in there a chew, but I find the less I smoke the more I chew and the more I smoke the more I smoke blunts the more respiratory infections I have, if I smoke white papers it’s not as bad but I still feel it. I’m hoping they will soon legalize marijuana in Georgia so I can try vaping or edibles because it is beneficial for me.

This has been the norm for me for years and old habits die hard. I’m not beating myself down for not being able to go cold turkey because there are so many addictions out there and to go cold turkey with so many can become overwhelming so I try hard to work on one at the time. First thing I have up that I felt was bad for me was pork, then beef then all land animals, I do by animal products and look forward to growing my own food so I want have to depend on others for food. 

I take it one day at a time and realized I’m not a machine even though I have been programmed by others to think I’m supposed to be a certain way or this and that and my life revolves are what others want for me and not what I want for myself. Power not to give up, power to drink on occasions and not to drink daily and if I choose to have a drink not to have to many and to stop sharing with other so frequently.