If it time to go

If it time to go nothing I can do to prolong my stay...

Power to view each day that way when it comes to death...so tired of fearing death

God said

I remember one day after church I said to a lady God said this, I don’t remember what it was he said, just her expression, like she was stunned and then the comment she made led me to believe she didn’t believe me. If you don’t believe what I heard in my head why should I believe what you heard in yours. After all God is everywhere, right. 

He in my head and yours, and reading our thoughts and clocking our actions at least this is what I thought until I no longer believed that. The expression on her face said to me God only speaks to a few folk, but I was still puzzled, how do you know?

But then I stopped believing because I soon realized that was just my own thought. When we young we don’t listen to our conscience, or it is still growing, when we reach a certain age, caution will speak in our brain, we can say it is the voice of another or we can reason with self and realize it’s just the thoughts in my own head warning me of what could possibly happen if I do thus and so of a thing this could possibly happen.

I still have a hard time listening to me because of the cares of others and criticism from folk tearing me down for simple things, I’m still learning and growing and may change how I feel about a certain subject tomorrow...

As for hell and God I will know one day and if I’m sentenced to hell after death my plan is to dance on the flames to help keep them lit so Mother Earth can stay heated...

Backing down for Ms Evonne

My first grandchild, Le’Bryus 

I backed down to his mother for his sake, what if I pointed out what I thought about her and what if they asked about me and it too hard was not pleasing, so I backed down and allowed her to take him to see his other grandmother...Ms Evonne, Byron miss you and so do I because I know they would have been to Greenboro if you were still here and they miss you too because they know if you were still living they would have been to Greenboro, just to see you if no one else want to visit with them they grandma Evonne did and they want to come too and Byron calls you by name, thank you

Not sure why and afraid to ask dad, I don’t want him to take them and he really don’t want them to come, that is a long drive and I suffer from Panic, I hope this shit too will pass...

And if my grandchildren don’t want to go I hope they don’t have to, not unless they really want too and if they are truly welcomed by someone other than Ms Evonne...