Deep fear

A deep fear lives in me, not on but in...

When I was a small child my neighbor was shot down in front of me, I’m still trying to make sense of it and then one night men in a big white truck with really big lights chased my mom, my brother and me and then a man stopped and pointed a gun at me and two of my cousins and he jumped out of his car and grabbed my cousins coat and then my grandad died and then Chasity died and then my uncle Brother suddenly, and then my grandmother and so on and then...my son was murdered and I don’t know who did it, now pieces of this puzzle misses...

And then I was drugged and it still makes no sense to me how I woke up naked strapped down suffering from more trauma after all the trauma I had been through...then my dad died and I still suffer from trauma and from fear of death...

This weekend was great and I want more of those great weekends but who knows because death is sure to come, not knowing when frightens me bit I’m so sick and tired of living in fear but my senses tells me I need to because predators are everywhere and they may wear the greatest smiles...