Insecurity

 Because of life and others I have so many making it hard for me to lay down and sleep. It’s hard for me to feel comfortable or a sense of security during the day and at night.

It’s hard for me to go to sleep but sleep is my only escape. Shortly after I wake the sense of insecurities show their ugly face. Accepting death knowing I’m gone die is one of my greatest feats thus far. I know death coming and I live dreading it each and every day. When I believed in heaven I had a sense of security. Loosing faith in heaven damaged me and the fear of death overshadows me like a plague.

I wish something in me could believe in a better place than this but I don’t. And after reading about god and who he is I don’t think I wanna go to heaven. I rather dance on the flames of hell like a ballerina. 

I pray hard to overcome that which over shadows me even though I’m not ready for death it will one day come for me whether I’m ready or not.

If I wake tomorrow or later tonight I don’t want the thought of death to bother me. I just want to enjoy the moment.