Will I ever grow up

 I think it’s odd I move just as much as children, can’t focus for long, can’t be still for long, always looking for something to do because I have to keep moving. I feel like a child 🧒 n an adults body. Will I ever grow up and learn how to focus on one task???

I think about those who can’t move their own body any longer. No matter the cause now they can’t move and have to rely on others. They can’t get outside and get any fresh air or see the trees or smell the smog that’s in the air, not unless someone else do that for them. How stressful that must be.

I try hard not to think about things like that but I have seen it and know in my heart it could very well be me one day. Will others be mean to me and make me fell like I really no longer matter or will they try hard and not judge me based on anything. Will they reach down into their spirit and gladly help me to get out of bed and put my teeth in my mouth if I can’t do that for myself. Will they push me outside to just look and move me from room to room so my mind want cramp up. 

I have been consumed with fear and doubt for so long I have a hard time believing in others. I don’t think people really love me, hell I don’t really love myself and I am my own worse nightmare. I feel like I’m a pain to others so I keep my distance so we want have a falling out.