Jeremy Carlos Miller, 04/11/1989-02/07/2001
Jeremy was only eleven years old when his life ended so tragically at the hands of a ruthless rabies zombiefied hateful spiteful selfish savaged evil type of something.
He had just began living his own life, finding his very own purpose in life. Thinking about his own future and his feelings while discovering his own likes, like football and he was crushing on girls and learning his likes and dislikes.
Jeremy had a great personality and loved to smile and make others smile. Jeremy was good in school and loved being humorous. Jeremy didn’t like to see people cry or sad and he loved playing the drums at church. He admired Mother Rosa Mae Braswell and was crushing on her granddaughter Paris and another young lady, Adrianna I think I spelled it right. I thought it was cute and was happy he was able to talk to me about his feelings while looking towards his future.
Jeremy told me he had something to tell me, he never got the chance to tell me and only he know what it was and that secret may have taken him to his grave, I’m trying to make peace with the fact I may never know who took away one of my greatest gifts in life. One of my greatest accomplishments in my lifetime. One of my life’s greatest moments, fucking gone just like that, one of the most valuable things on this planet, life.
Jeremy was the first person to give me long stem roses 🌹 🌹. He gave me two, they had begun to wither just a bit, like the edges were dipped chocolate, they were a dollar and ninety nine cents. I paid him two dollars for some chores and he bought me some roses with the money instead of some candy or snacks. Loosing you boy hurts real bad. It’s like doom, it’s like a dream, I can’t accept the fact it happened, I have no choice but to live with it. It’s like that dream state where you are dreaming and you can hear what’s going on around you but you can’t see it, but your brain may be trying to articulate what it is hearing and you are dreaming what you are hearing and it’s may be strange and when you wake you may hear the television on a scene that explained your dream. I felt that way for years. I was going and nothing was registering and I was in a fog and I could not remember dates anymore. I could not remember numbers that once were stored in my mind. Birthdays were gone, my birthday came and went years in a row and I never thought about it because all I could think about was loosing you Jeremy in such a horrific manner, and to think other humans get pleasure in killing.
And now I’m trying to just live and not be afraid anymore and stop looking over my shoulder and telling myself over and over, the person who killed you is dead and done and if not, they gone do what they want to anyhow and worrying not gone change that. And then I look around and I see zombies everywhere, humans infected so badly they think killing is ok.
It’s like I can’t accept this shit happened, it’s like it’s not real, and carrying this burden alone has made it even worse. No one wanted to hear me talk about you unless I paid them. Many people don’t wanna be “upset” or made to feel “bad” but I live that shit everyday along with way to many people on this planet who seem to think killing is the only way or just for fun, a trophy kill, all unrighteous.
So many what ifs and if only I had and so many more things I wish I had done differently, but there is nothing I can do to turn back the hands of time and do things differently, so I march on against the strong current of fear and not knowing.
I’m afraid once I’m gone you will be forgotten and no one will mention you and the fact that yes you were here and yes you did belong here and no one had the right to take your fucking life away from you, you were my child, and yes you mattered regardless of how you got here, regardless of the color of your skin, regardless of your sex, regardless of where you live, regardless of your education, you always will matter to me, Jeremy may not live on but your spirit is strong and it shines bright like the sun in my life and I’m glad I saw fit to birth you and raise you and love you and love on you and discipline you when you needed it. And yes you did need it from time to time. You were smarter at books than I will ever be and that alone would get you a hundred or close quicker than other students in certain classes and that would get you in trouble because now you have time to talk while other students are trying to do schoolwork.
No words could ever express the deep hurt and loss I have for you that just want go away, I don’t ever wanna stop mourning your loss, you are worth every tear I shed and every moment I laugh at something you did like peeing on the play ground at school so you could get sent home from school because mama was there. You always wanted to go to school but when mama came to visit for them two short weeks, it was hard getting you to leave, you even called home sick one day so you could be with her while she was there. I do believe people can die from a broken heart and I think that loosing you may have helped kill her, I know I almost died from a broke heart and it was so difficult moving on, if it had not been for your siblings I know I would have given up.
My emotions have erupted like a volcano and I just wanna roar like the lion and scream as loud as I can and ask why why why. And now I see in my mind, wings like the Eagle surrounding me.
Thank you Mother Earth for giving Jeremy to me and thank you Father Time for the years we spent together. I was truly blessed just to know you Jeremy and to call you my son is awesome.
You siblings miss you too maybe not as much as I do but they cherish your memory to and do love you. I’m so thankful to know the joys of being a mom.
PS I will always love you
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